I can sing again!

June 30, 2018

I got a couple of job nibbles this week. Filling out applications online can be such a pain, though! I spent an hour one day trying to get past page 4 of this one. Finally I had to call the business and ask for help. They said they would email me. Which they haven’t. argh.

 

The other one called just as I was about to run out the door to go ride with mom to her follow-up appointment with the foot doctor. They said they would call me back. Which, guess what, they haven’t. Double argh.

 

Maybe it’s a little too early to be worrying about getting back into the work force full-time. There’s another care plan meeting on mom coming up in a week or so, to decide when she needs to be discharged from therapy. That will depend on when she stops making progress. After that, I guess it’s long-term care. All of that needs to get sorted out, I suppose, before I really seriously think about work again. And if I'm honest with myself, I’m really a little burnt out on speech therapy. Not the doing of the therapy itself; I love that. It’s all the associated stuff, the pressure to pick patients up and keep and generate billable hours; the bosses who don’t know my field second-guessing me and criticizing; the paperwork, good Lord, the paperwork. I swear, if I could make enough money to keep myself up, I keep threatening to enroll in bartending school or something equally distant from my past career. LOL

 

That said, though, things are going pretty well. My tattoo is almost healed, and still no regrets (yay). I’m almost halfway through the second revision of Song for the Seacrossing, though I keep getting sidetracking reading or crafting or cleaning house or whatever. I put another good dent in cleaning out the garage; by the time I’m ready to sell my house, the garage might just be cleaned. LOL. I hauled several bags of stuff to Goodwill, set a couple of bags aside to take to McKays used store and sell, and another bag of books to take to a sci-fi con next weekend—they’re collecting books for underprivileged kids.  I hope I’ll get to spend most of next Saturday at this con, and I could never have hoped for that before. Maybe an hour, if I was lucky, even before mom's dementia got so bad.

 

Yesterday I drove up to Hendersonville, north of town, where I used to work. I wanted to hit some thrift stores and bookstores, and this little Cajun restaurant. I used to eat there almost every Friday, but haven’t been to since I quit work. 

 

 

 

Lunch special, half a shrimp po boy, red beans and rice, and garlic bread, YUM.

 

It was a delightful day. I found myself singing along with the car radio, very loudly at times in fact, as I drove. It’s been so long since I’ve done that! Another of those dumb little things I didn’t realize I’d missed until now. I mean, I had literally tried to, before, and it was like the music just would not come out, as much as I love it. Now, it’s pouring out again.

 

Creativity, too, seems to be returning. I always make things; making is like breathing to me, I need it so desperately, and even when mom took up every minute of every day, I managed to carve out a minute here and there to work with yarn or paper. Now, I’m doing the mixed media thing, cooking new things, and experimenting with crocheting with old cassette tape (why not? even Goodwill won’t take ‘em, and I have two bags full of mom’s old ones! I’d rather make something cool out of them than throw them away)

 

The writing lobe of my brain is waking up. Not only am I rewriting this old book, in idle moments my brain is beginning to play with new ideas for stories. It’s just playtime right now, fanfic mostly, but still, with the stress lessening, my brain is generating new things, and that makes me happier than you might imagine.

 

Things can’t be perfect all the time, of course. The other day, the doctor who follows mom at Place K called me about scheduling a mammogram for mom. She hasn’t had one in two years, mostly because it was so hard for me to get her anywhere by myself, and the family had their own stuff going on, of course. Still, I feel guilty, and I worry that something may show up wrong, and it will be my fault because I tried to cover all the bases but missed this one. I guess I need to do something about that guilt thing, don’t I? I’m recognizing now that that’s not right, where before, I would just fall into that pit of self-blame, so I guess I am doing something. It’s a start. Anyway, I’m riding on the van with mom again next Tuesday to go and get that done, so keep us both in your prayers if you please.

 

To close, I will share this great saying about worry, courtesy of my imaginary boyfriend. LOL

 

 

 

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